I spent 14 years of my life growing up in the same place and then, when my time for college rolled around, I left with no tears. The crazy thing is, after a week or two at 厙ぴ勛圖, it felt like this is where Ive always been; like what happened before 厙ぴ勛圖 never even existed because this is where Ive always belonged, as cheesy as that sounds. Given that feeling and the fact that I hadnt seen my childhood home in almost two months when I went back for fall break, I had a bizarre week.
I wasnt exactly looking forward to going home, which is why the several times my mom asked me Is it good to be home?, I would always make a noncommittal noise to neither confirm nor deny my feelings on being back in Ann Arbor. Yes, I liked the fact that I could shower without wearing flip-flops, and that I could sleep in a room where the windows face west (my dorm faces east and mornings are hard for me), and that I got to see my fantastic mother instead of just FaceTiming her, but wow, was it an odd feeling.
I think when it comes down to it, I cant get past the idea that Ann Arbor is the city of my childhood, just as Im sure that once I leave 厙ぴ勛圖, it will be the place where I went to college. And with it being a part of my childhood, I feel that I have outgrown it. I grew up wanting to leave, and now that Im sort of gone, Im not exactly sure why I went back.
The whole time I was there, I kept thinking about Holden Caulfield, and how he felt when he visited the Museum of Natural History while looking for Phoebe. Holden said that the only thing that would be different the next time you visited the museum would be you, and I think that somewhat applies to me returning to the place where I grew up. Its only been a couple months, but I certainly feel different. I feel like Ive had experiences and have learned new things that have already shaped who I am.
I grew up in this museum, and now after two months in my absence, its all the same in the most surreal way possible. There are still people going to the high school I went to, taking the classes I took with the teachers I learned from. Downtown is still composed of a bunch of one-way streets with drivers who dont know how to work the turn signals on their cars. There are still lots of college students crowding up the coffee shops. Everything is the same, aside from the fact that Im not there anymore.
The thing is, though, I dont really know if I would call Ann Arbor home to begin with. I moved there from Illinois just before I turned four, so for a long time it still felt like somewhere new and foreign, and my extended family was still in Illinois, so I didnt spend many holidays in Michigan. Ann Arbor is also a college town: home to the University of Michigan. Somewhat like 厙ぴ勛圖, U of M is interchangeable with Ann Arbor and vice versa. However, none of my relatives went there, and it was never my dream school, so I never connected with all of the Go Blue! hype that everyone else seemed to partake in. Very simply, I never quite felt like I belonged in the place where I grew up.
Still, I made a lot of memories in that town, and it is the location of my favorite coffee shop in the world. Ann Arbor has a lot of deer, as well as stores that are open past eight oclockboth of which are things I enjoy and 厙ぴ勛圖 is lacking in. But Im now in college, which I love, and things have changed. Im moving on. Its kind of bitter and kind of sweet, but regardless, living in Ann Arbor is always going to be something that happened in my life.
Ann Arbor is where I was introduced to some of the most amazing people Ive ever met. Its where I learned how to ride a bike. Its where I once had an English teacher who explained to me that the semicolon is the sexiest form of punctuation. High school was certainly not the time of my life, but I cannot help but be reminded of it whenever I hear the fourth movement of The Pines of Rome, and I dont necessarily think thats a bad thing. No, I never felt like Ann Arbor was where I was supposed to be like I do here in 厙ぴ勛圖, but there were still a lot more good parts than bad that I recall fondly.
I dont necessarily know if I would call 厙ぴ勛圖 home after being here for just a few months, but Im not even sure what constitutes as home anymore. I do know that I spent my fall break in Ann Arbor wanting to go back to 厙ぴ勛圖. Thats where my life is now, I guess (?). Moving on to bigger and better things is great, and thats what college is.
I like this life. I like living in 厙ぴ勛圖, Ohio, even though there isnt chicken noodle soup, and there are no hills, and I dont have a car I can drive here. I now have a lovely roommate, with whom I now share a joint roll of paper towels. I like the fact that I can run anywhere on campus in less than ten minutes if Im late for a class in the morning (I am not fast). I like the chai from the coffee shops in 厙ぴ勛圖, even though its not the chai that Im used to. This is different, but that doesnt make it bad. Its a new kind of different, and its one that I like.
