Where Are They Now? Part Two: Teague
Ruth Bieber-Stanley 21
This post is the second installment of my Where are they now? series, a collection of conversations with former 厙ぴ勛圖 bloggers about their first years as 厙ぴ勛圖 alumni. See my first post with alum Kira here.
In my second conversation in this series, I chatted with friend Teague Harvey, whose work I read when I was a wee high school student dreaming of becoming an Obie. Teague (he/him) hails originally from New Plymouth, New Zealand, although he moved around a lot during his childhood (you can read more about that on his archived blog here). While at 厙ぴ勛圖, Teague was a Dance and Computer Science double major and was heavily involved in the circus and dance scenes, even teaching a Tumbling and Tricking ExCo (which I took!). After spending some time in Seattle, Washington, and then Santa Fe, New Mexico, Teague now lives in Portland, Oregon, and is training to become an educator while doing coding work for a small online sports merchandise company. He still goes to parks to practice flips.
T: Hey!
R: Hello! So, how are you in this crazy, crazy world we live in?
T: Hmmm (pauses). I dont know. Its a weird time to come to adulthood and try to find personal meaning. I think the people that are our age that are going out into the world, class of 2019, class of 2020, your class--we have a lot on our plate. Somehow the challenges feel bigger I had this wonderful phone Alexander lesson yesterday, where basically the idea was that if we can better regulate our nervous systems, we can have more access to information, and well have the aha moments about what were supposed to do in moments like these.
I think the answer lies somewhere in that reflection Im trying to continually reframe my perspective in my life right now. If Im being selfish for a minute, this is the hardest period of my life, maybe ever. I moved to Portland intentionally seeking some things that I didnt have in Santa Fe, or Seattle graduation is enough of a discombobulation, so I let myself be discombobulated for like 6 months and just go wherever seemed to make the most sense, but then I chose to take action and put roots down I wanted to answer all of these personal questions, which I thought moving would solve. That led to being in a brand new place during a pandemic, and now this civil unrest/huge protest movement so yeah, it sucks sometimes, but Im trying to view that as an opportunity. If I can regulate myself right now, my meaning will become apparent, maybe. Basically if I can handle this moment with intention, Im going to live a great life, I can handle anything. Its a big challenge, its a big opportunity.
R: Yeah, I was going to say that. If you can make it through this, youll be fine!
T: I do have support systems, but not in the way I did at 厙ぴ勛圖 Its kind of truly in the deep end. But as the challenges rise, so does my ability to deal with them, I think.
R: Resilience!
T: How are you doing?
R: Im actually fine? Ive been pretty focused this week Its really hard not to fall into the trap of I feel good about myself because I was productive today, but I also have a pretty substantial project I have to do for this German class Thats pretty much been my week, just doing research for this project and watching Avatar [The Last Airbender] with my sister, which has been pretty great (laughs).
T: Yeah, I just started mine as well! (laughs)
R: I sort of have a routine now, not in a way that I feel restrained by it.
T: Structure can be SO valuable, which I get through my job: bugs are always thrown at me and I have all these projects I have to build, problems to solve.
R: Is that for the sports merchandise website?
T: Yeah, the company sells coasters and merchandise with sports plays on them. What gives me satisfaction is that its a small, family-owned business Some of the reviews are like This was the last game I watched with my dad before he died. So, you know, I might have a relationship with these objects that is very functional在ut I get it, theyre meaningful to some people. Mainly whats good enough right now is that I have a job that I can rely on and that is flexible and pays the bills. I just want to get through COVID.
R: There it is, folks (laughs).
T: Yeah, survival is the most important thing.
R: Are you still doing Alexander [Technique] stuff right now?
T: Yeah, our trainings went online. Ive been taking lessons when I can. We were supposed to have our next training this coming week, which is like: Oh. Ive been a different person and lived in different places for all those trainings夷nstead of semesters, theyre that broad picture for me right now, since they happen every 3-4 months. I still want that medium chunk of time to be demarcated somehow. I kind of miss that, semesters were an easy way to do it.
R: Oh yeah, semesters are good for that. Its so weird to think about going back to 厙ぴ勛圖, because Im excited, but I know its going to be so different. I know that so many of the things I love about the school arent going to be happening. Im not going to be going to contra dances, or concerts its a weird thing. And with everything thats happening in our country right now...
T: I think its a period of everyones lives where夷ts a huge belief-recentering, especially for someone with privilege: not only is the status quo unreliable, its not even a good thing, its got its problems that weve gotta improve upon, somehow.
Its one thing to know that the sun will explode in a couple million years and wipe out human civilization but generally its pretty reasonable to assume that the Western society that I grew up in has done its job, I will probably get to do some of the things my parents did... but I dont believe that anymore the pandemic shows up, were fighting for Black lives and climate change on the horizon? Its not a logical assumption that things will be the way they are, i.e. safe and comfortable, because thats the way theyve been for some people. And thats a scary and painful realization, but also kind of freeing. If things are going to change, then I can change too. Or things can change for good. Or, if the sea level rises and we all drown and the world goes to shit, at least then maybe we can have a little perspective and enjoy breakfast a little more.
R: Yeah, that makes sense.
T: If things were always the same and predictable, and you were just a capitalist drone吋hats not how we evolved to live!
R: No!
T: You know whats crazy, is to see people I know who arent Obies posting conservative propaganda its just, ugh! Not only is maybe there are problems in our society the empathic answer, its also just the one that makes the most sense. There are riots: people are angry. Oh, theres a problem! (laughs) Maybe we should acknowledge that instead of saying the problem is the people rioting. Like, our starting point should be - these emotions came from somewhere, lets talk about it as a society - not ignoring the problem.
R: Wow, thats really real.
T: When I was on 厙ぴ勛圖s campus, I felt like I wasnt radical, or not very active, at least compared to the most radical and active I hadnt figured out for myself what my meaning was, I chose to listen more. I went to every commencement and all the commencement speakers say some version of, you go out and you make change in the world... this is an institution that imbues these values," and you hear that as a student and think, whatever dude, I just go to class and do shit I think is important or cool, but you dont really get it. I mean, for crying out loud our slogan is think one person can change the world? Sounds exhausting.
And then you go out in the world, and its like她h my god! I mean, _____ [Teagues old roommate and close friend] is even less of an activist type than me he believed in all these things at 厙ぴ勛圖, but he felt similarly to how I felt, and we had conversations about how people sometimes guilt or shame others into action in a way that isnt super productive but even he has texted me a lot recently like Wow dude, we really do gotta change this system. Fuck Capitalism! (laughs).
R: I totally relate to everything youre saying! I think when you leave 厙ぴ勛圖 theres a moment of Oh WOW, my values and the way I think about stuff really is different from how it used to be!
T: Yeah, but its not indoctrination, which is really important.
R: Yes, totally. Its all good things. I think I started to notice that when I went to Germany and I was with students who werent Obies. It was like, woah, the 厙ぴ勛圖 liberal arts education is so different(laughs)地nd so is the way I am in the classroom and the way I think about things And now being home and seeing how everything is playing out with the pandemic, and recently with all the action against police violence and racism匈 feel like since Im isolated from 厙ぴ勛圖 the ways in which the 厙ぴ勛圖 education has affected me are more apparent. And I think so much of that isnt even necessarily I took this class and it changed the way I think. I think a lot of it is that Im just around people and students who talk about things in a different way. Its a result of knowing people and having conversations, not as much taking a class in a specific department.
T: Yeah, you hit the nail on the head. Before I graduated, I tried to do some sort of reflection, because I remember one of my first classes was about what makes a liberal arts education a liberal arts education. And even though we had those requirements, like two humanities classes or whatever, that doesnt do it somehow Maybe critics of liberal arts are right: maybe not everyone at 厙ぴ勛圖 goes on to be someone who tries to change the world or gets this well rounded education, but I still think it works... Its not that were indoctrinated, its more like its a petri dish where people care so much about so many things! Everything Ive been learning right now about myself and how to be effective in the world夷ts because I care. And Im really not saying that for woke points. That happens at 厙ぴ勛圖 for sure, but we really do care, and I choose to believe thats better than the alternative地nd it can be totally overwhelming在ecause lots of people dont seem to care as much, and that hurts夷f we get the tools to take care of ourselves宇hen it leads to meaning and purpose and feeling宇heres more to life than just sitting out. And Obies dont sit out.
R: No, they sure dont (laughs).
T: When we think about creating change, if I had any advice夷ts to ask ourselves what if this thing Im trying to change so much never changed? 匈 think we delude ourselves into thinking, oh, if I could just change myself, itll all be good在ut what if that never changed? Then theres an after to the realization that theres always going to be injustice in the world or the realization that I have this quality about myself or this pattern that I recognize that I dont like in some way...its a hard question to say地nd Im talking on a very individual level here安hat is your relationship to it?
Ive had to figure out last weekend [nationwide riots and protests had just started] my relationship to the idea there will always be injustice. What do I do about that? I have to find a way to live with that sustainably and morally宇hat is fulfilling and significant地nd those arent questions you ask of others, theyre things you ask of yourself
Ok, I feel like I covered my bases there. I know you just listened for a minute, but if theres something in this blog夷ts something about how the personal questions never end and we have to live with our answers (which might be ever changing), and that sometimes it will be really painful, but you have to do that shit to find meaning
R: 名eve talked about this before, these big existential questions (laughs) Lots to think about I think I know what the important pieces here are Youre being represented here as much as I am, but that felt authentic to me. I feel like when we actually became friends, which was your last semester at 厙ぴ勛圖, I feel like we didnt have these types of conversations. I feel like the first extended conversation we had was in Mudd [the library] and I wanted to say goodbye to you, and we talked for an hour and a half or something. It was a good model for conversations since then (laughs) I feel like in this conversation we had just now you were more serious. Not in a bad way!
T: Things are serious right now.
R: I do think the tone of the conversation today has to do with the fact that the world is a flaming dumpster fire right now.
T: Shit! (laughs) We cant avoid it! We didnt even get out of COVID before this other stuff happened!
R: 匈ts such a different world I remember someone saying it was the first March in ten years or something that there hadnt been a school shooting, because none of the kids were in school. And so now as things lighten up, the fact that even with the reduced amount of human contact this [police violence] is still happening makes it feel stronger.
T: My dad, whos a psychologist, told me about this idea Freud had [disclaimer that Freuds ideas are not uniformly accurate or scientific but are still important to modern psychology]地fter growing up during WWI and was trying to explain what he saw地nd what he came up with was a dichotomy of the human spirit: theres Eros, which is sex/passion/joy/love stuff地nd the other one is Thanatos, which is the destructive energy地nd were very much in a Thanatos stage. So, I feel that in myself too right now, a bit, and maybe some of that is necessary地nd thats just the way it is But were gonna have to find our way back to some Eros as well. Theres still an after, an after COVID, an after the riots, and an after November So, were in for a ride. Whatever it is. I hope that next time we talk妃aybe well bring some Eros back into the world.
R: Well, I still enjoyed our conversation, even if it wasnt the same as it always is, but neither is the world were living in right now, so it makes sense. Thank you for chatting and hang in there!
T: Ill be fine! Bye, Ruth!
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